wake up your life is waiting you

I tried to get inspired creatively… but all i got was high. 

I wake up in the middle of the night with this surge of creativity.. But i come home at the end of the day with a surge of inspiration.. Sometimes it’s hard to make the two meet. 

drastic/enthusiastic/faintly/adoration/infuse/believe/fear/beauty/cosmic/daunting/failure/organic/trust

Everyone has brilliant thoughts. The trick is expressing them in a written word so that people can relate and find interest in. That’s what writers do. I’m not a writer. 

Being a photographer means finding beauty in places and moments that might otherwise be overlooked. It also means arrogance. 

Time, projects, motivation, dreams..

I used to sleep like clockwork. No problem. Every night I’d be asleep by around midnight and sleep until my alarm clock went off. Lately I feel like there are so many things on my mind that I can never fall asleep right away. Nor even think about going to sleep right away. The things on my mind aren’t necessarily bad, or good. They’re just stuff. Ponders. What will the world be like in ten years? I also find that with all the modern technology and social networking, it’s impossible to keep my thoughts to myself. Well, some of them I can’t keep to myself. 

I wake up in the middle of the night and start thinking or working on a new photo project. Sometimes I even conceive them in the middle of the night. Why is this? Is it because during the day I’m so flooded with the average concerns that the middle of the night is the only time I can really think about things I want to think about. This sucks. 

I have several projects in the works that I want to do. Yet I can never focus on just one of them. Right now I’m focusing on one that is not my concept at all, but a job I’m doing for someone. I’m not of professional status so I’m happy to get any work I can. How can I get better? How can I get more motivated? Time? Practice? Life? Is that all it is? 

I’m just going to continue to do what I’m doing now, because so far it hasn’t steered me in a completely wrong direction. I’m hopeful for a bright future. A successful future. But for now, I consider a day spent being constructive, being creative, and being the best person I know how to be…a perfect day. 

My pride.

I’ve been an out gay person for about four years. I’ve been a gay person for 27 years. I’ve gone to several Gay Pride Festivals, but only those held in Los Angeles. Today, was one of those times. 

I go with great anticipation, excitement, and rejoice. I leave with lethargy, a headache, annoyance, and frustration. One thing that remains is that I know, for better or for worse, I am a part of that community. It’s not perfect, but it’s everyone being who they are and nothing but. To be surrounded by people who are all of the same minority, the minority of people that are not heterosexual, is truly amazing. We’re free to be ourselves, not worry about what people think or who is watching. One thing that people probably ARE worried about is being judged. Because a queen is queen is a queen. And a stereotype is a stereotype is a stereotype. People will laugh and people will mock. At themselves and at each other. It’s human nature, and not any group of people is free of mockery. If I continue on, I will go on so many ill advised tangents and rambles that nothing will make sense anymore. So i digress. Suffice it to say that I’ve always felt like being gay is a very small part of me. And that while I look the part, I don’t really fit in with the rest of the community. I don’t have many friends in it and I usually decide to stay out of a lot of the “scene.” But sometimes I think that maybe it’s a bigger part of me than I realize. Just because I don’t have a girlfriend, I have no real desire to date right now, most of my friends are straight, and I have a love/hate relationship with West Hollywood; doesn’t mean that i’m not a complete and utter homosexual. 

Homo. Sexual. Gay. Queer. Lesbian. Dyke. Whatever you want to call it, it’s what I will always be. And while I may not feel the overwhelming sense of pride when I attend the named festival, I am very proud of who I am. And I’m very proud of who we all are. Everyone that is out there being his or herself, fighting for their right to be accepted, and appreciating everyone’s differences….gay or straight, single or married, black or white, short or tall.. I love you. And thanks.

“I’m here for myself, not to know you, I don’t need no one else.”
— Santigold